There is a great new program on Sunday nights on The Learning Channel called “The Monastery”. It is about five men who are at a crossroads in their lives who go to the Monastery of Christ in the Desert to live with the Benedictine monks there for forty days and forty nights. They are supposed to be looking for clarity, purpose, and meaning in life. The first episode was last night. One guy, an ex- Hollywood screenwriter, has been in recovery for 30 years; another is a 23-year old combat-wounded vet from Iraq; there’s a guy who is a former Satanist that came to know the Lord and now wants to be an Episcopal priest; there’s an ex-gang member who now helps kids get off the street in Massachusetts; and there’s a paramedic/ex-Marine. They are all at varying stages in their spirituality. Some believe in God, some do not. Two are lapsed Catholics, and two are “nothing”.
It is fascinating to see how they adjust to monastic life. They live just as the monks do and swear obedience to the abbot while there. The strict routine is very hard for them – even the ex-Marines. They cannot deal with the silence and stillness very well, either. One guy – the veteran – admits that he can’t sit still for more than two minutes, so obviously he has a hard time with the services. I wonder how their lives will change, if at all, after the forty days are up? The most interesting thing to me was seeing the incredible stupidity and arrogance of the two ex-Marines (no offence to anyone out there serving, or who has served, in the armed forces). The one guy is just a kid with no education, so his idiotic ramblings are to be expected. The older one (who now serves as a paramedic, and witnesses lots of death and violence that he is trying to come to grips with) is bitterly cynical about everyone and everything. All he does is insult everyone, and make sarcastic remarks every few minutes. They are constantly challenging the rules of the community in small ways, prompting the monks to have meetings with them, and get them back into line. All in all it is quite interesting, and I highly recommend it.
The thing about this new series that makes it near and dear to me, though, is that I took a weeklong retreat at this monastery back in 2000 when I was in seminary. Many of the people on the show I met – the abbot, Prior Christian, Brother Andre, Father Joseph (he was just visiting the monastery for the first time when I was there, actually) etc. In fact, I still support the monastery when they send out their letters asking for financial help. That period when I visited the monastery was a very difficult time in my life. I was alienated from everyone and everything, abandoned by all but a few friends, and to a large extent by my family, who didn’t want me to be in seminary preparing for the priesthood. I was an outsider at the seminary, and an outsider at work. My girlfriend dumped me at a bar a few months earlier. I was dirt poor… so poor I could barely afford to eat and buy the most basic supplies I needed to get by (I was so poor I had to sometimes steal rolls of toilet paper form work because I couldn’t afford to buy any!). Top all of that off with living alone, and having to read and write papers all the time for seminary, and you have the recipe for serious and major funk. My life had become like a Hank Williams song. So it was under those circumstances that I decided to take a cleansing pilgrimage/roadtrip/retreat to Christ in the Desert. I drove with friend from Baltimore to Abiquiu New Mexico in my old beat-up 1986 Buick century sedan (the radio didn’t work, neither did the dashlights, so we sang songs to each other on the trip out and back). I chain-smoked to occupy the time. On the way out, we swung through Oklahoma City to see the destruction from and memorial of the infamous bombing. When we finally arrived at the monastery we were warmly received by the brothers. There was no direction or guided retreat from the brothers, and guests were not required to go to the services. You literally just make reservations, and show up, and then you’re on your own. We were, however, required to help do work around the grounds. In my week there, in addition to cleaning, I dug a trench and laid some electrical conduit, and helped pour the foundation for their refectory. And of course you have to eat with the monks since it takes an hour to drive out to the main road, and another hour or so to get anywhere near civilization. The atmosphere at the monastry was beautiful and serene. There was no electricity, no noise allowed… no nothing. Just God, and the chanting of the Psalms and prayers ascending up through the canyon to Him in the vastness of the sky. The liturgies were beautiful – in fact, that was where I first learned to read chant notation. The long road trip out and back; the solemn prayers, chants, and liturgy; the hot sun and dry desert; the cold nights; the hard physical labor; eating joint meals in silence with the brothers; and the quiet and lack of technology cleansed and healed me. It made me see that somehow God was bigger than all of my problems, and that His love was like a vast ocean washing over me, and through me. My life was changed by going there; I hope that happens with these guys on the cable TV show. When I returned home from the monastery, the troubles in church and life were only just beginning, and I went through another dark night of the soul. But I am convinced that had I not been to Christ in the Desert I would not have survived that difficult time to come.
