Weddings and marriages are all that's on my mind lately. We were away this past weekend, back at St. Mark's, so I could bless the civil marriage of some young parishioners that we got to know while ministering there. And I have also been working with a young couple (VA Tech students) here at St. Francis preparing them for their upcoming marriage. They are not members of the parish but are having their wedding at Truro Church. Truro let them come here for their pre-marital preparation. I am not doing the wedding - just meeting with them for preparation.
I realized recently that now that I am in charge of a parish I have to have a definite policy, plan and course of study for those preparing for marriage. My former spiritual director gave me all of his marriage policy material from when he was rector of a flagship ECUSA anglo-catholic parish, so that is what I used to develop this parish's "wedding" policy (it is pretty much the same thing as what he gave me). But for the course of study/preparation this is what I give in terms of reading assignments:
1) Read and discuss the APA canons for Holy Matrimony - signing the appropriate forms and fulfilling all of the requirements.
2) Read and discuss order for "Solemnization of Holy Matrimony" from the BCP along with the propers for a nuptial mass
3) Read and discuss the various New Testament Biblical passages dealing with Holy Matrimony (1 Cor. 7; Eph. 5:21-6:4; Col. 3:12-24; 1 Pet. 2:13-3:22)
4) Read and discuss chapter on Holy Matrimony from "The King's Highway"
5) Read and discuss a book (no fewer than 200 pages) on marriage.
I use these readings as a basis to discuss the nature of sacramental marriage. The last one (#5) is what I am still working on. I have about five books that I have carefully selected, purchased, and am going to read to be the "official book" that I require those preparing for marriage read. The other books, along with a few that I have read already, will be part of an optional "recommended reading" list. The required number of meetings is four.
As for the psychological mumbo-jumbo - since I am not trained in that field and am not Dr. Phil ("How's that workin' for ya?"), I am staying away from the personality tests. Why? Because I honestly don't think those things are very helpful. They are certainly not biblical. And their scientific validity is a bit dubious in my opinion. But other practical day-to-day things, like who handles the money, can be discussed in the context of the scripture passages and other readings.
So, that is basically what I do to prepare people for marriage. Like all things in the ministry and in life it is a work in progress. Every priest should have a format/plan ready, though, and not wait till a couple comes to him to begin thinking about what he'd have them do!
I wonder what other priests do to prepare folk for Christian marriage?
